Dog's Life

It has become apparent to our clan in the past few weeks, that in our glee to bring home our new family pet (way back in April), some items were not considered. I wanted to take a moment to discuss these oversights, within a public forum to reveal all the facts to those delusional people considering a new animal...

When budgeting for our little creature, I boldy declared that it would not impact the financial situation at our home. The bride quickly determined that I was wrong, upon returning from the first shopping trip, which included dog type items. Who knew that you can't buy a regular rubber ball for your pup anymore? No, no, for it must be environmentally safe, puppy teeth safe, baby safe plastic (in case, Mason chews it, I guess), and have the proper coloring so as not to confuse the puppy into thinking its food. Budget for chewy ball: $ 2.10. Real cost of chewy ball: $ 17.45. Yes, the other items also took this turn for the worse and tripled the grocery bill. Speaking of money, best to discuss with your family, their idea of treats for the pooch. As an experienced dog owner, I felt that a treat a day, of some cheap cookie, was good enough. However, the spouse's approach varied a little. You can buy gourmet treats from Istanbul, if you are willing to pay the shipping fees...and oh yes, if you buy more than a truckload, they will wave the shipping fees. Needless to say, Oreo cookies are no longer a luxury the Randle's can afford, because Brooklyn needs juicy mountain lamb treats, make by Olga in the southern hills of Turkey. (Laugh it up, I will forward you her website).

Now besides the food and money issues, it should be made very clear to you potential dog owners that some dog's grow large, despite your best wishes. Our little 7 lb. bundle of joy, gallops through the home teetering somewhere north of 50 lbs. The vet says she is almost 2/3's grown. Awesome, I say, forcing a smile. Good thing, we let her sleep on the bed, cause she was just a little girl and needed her family, so she wouldn't get scared in the dark. Sure goes well, now that she takes up one side of the bed and has gas while she sleeps. Paint should not peal off the wall, due to odor. It's just not right.

Another life lesson... Some animals have mental problems and allergies. Brooklyn scratches. And scratches. And itches. And scratches. For no other reason than it's something to do at 4:00 am, while on said bed. Change her food, the experts said. We called Olga's brother, Dieter, who lives in the foothills of the Alps. He makes perfect hypo-allergenic dog food from tree bark and beaver droppings. After a couple hundred dollars, it occurred to us that special dog food makes Brooklyn puke. Not small puke. Large pile, heavily scented puke. Back to the Dogchow we went. The vet figured that maybe its just mental. Seeing that the Dog-whisperer was busy, we are trying to work through her emotional problems that cause the scratching.

Your yard may take on a special look. Our beautiful thick green grass has special surprises hidden throughout. Recently, while mowing our lawn, our lawn care expert, who shall remain slightly anonymous, was unable to eat an apple while mowing. Why so, you ask... The stench from the tractor tires overwhelmed him. I was informed that the cost of mowing was going up, due to piles of the afformentioned puke and other dog waste piles. One was big enough, that the tractor became stuck and had to be retrieved by professionals. This is an ongoing problem, as Brooklyn is not bright enough to learn to use the weeds, for relief, like her buddy Jackson.

I would be amiss, if I did not mention what can happen when the house is empty. Future dog owners: Read and memorize, for your own good. Bad things happen when you don't pay attention. For consideration, I provide this evidence. A dog can eat eight baked potatoes in 1 minute, from the countertop. When buying fresh grapes from the store, buy eight pounds, because your dog can eat four pounds, rapidly. Silly putty, you ask? Oh yes, they will eat Silly Putty. It is no longer a child's toy, it doubles as a environmentally safe chew toy. You can get it back when it comes out the other end. Wax candles should be safe. Uh, no. Wax candles can also be retrieved upon exit, if your willing to melt the pieces back together. I am not. Onions are a great pre dinner snack for dogs. Helps with the breath. Chicken off the grill, and not even a whisker burned. Lettuce salads directly from the bowl on the table. Helps keep the teeth clean. And last, but certainly not least, when you call the insurance company to pursue a claim for living room carpet, because upon inspection, you realize your dog chewed a hole 6" in diameter right through to the subfloor, prepare for the insurance agent to laugh. Its better to blame the children, because at least insurance covers that.

We love our Brooklyn. Put her in a kennel during the day to avoid the problems? That would only lead to larger bills with the therapist. We learn by error and Brookie is a great teacher. Enjoy your pets.

On a side note, it is a good idea to have your wife lock up any weapons you may own, and not give you the key, during these special Hallmark moments.

Lessons Learned

With the end of the season upon us, we felt it necessary to reflect on what we have learned this summer. Let's see...(pardon the ramblings):

• Even though you may think the wind will just "blow right through", it will reduce your trampoline to rubble.
• Never put your own sunscreen on. I don't care what you think, you can't reach your whole back.
• Dogs smell. Its a fact, learn to cope.
• When allowing your pet, entrance to the home, check her mouth for live creatures. Baby rabbits do not enjoy the living room. Also, four children do not enjoy baby rabbits in the living room.
• While installing the new clothes line to save energy, realize the holes must be dug to China. If the holes are to be dug in clay, buy a new clothes dryer.
• Playing Wii too much, causes arm strain and some injuries.
• Never punch your big brother, cause he will find you, when you least expect it.
• When your the smallest of the herd, be wary of the animals. They are genetically conditioned to attack and eat the smallest of the herd.
• When playing golf with Grandpa, do not try to steal his new driver, because, "it fits me good and I hit it better than him."
• Don't pick on the little girl, before 10:00 am. She can get cranky.
• Begin preparing for teaching in the fall, the day after school lets out in the spring. It will benefit you in the end.
• The best hot tub you can have, belongs to the neighbors.
• While sailing, even though you hear "turn away from the wind", turn into it. Otherwise stuff breaks and the retribution will be swift.
• When leaving the beach, begin saying "time to get out of the water", 2 hours before it's time to leave.
• Going to Target shopping for one item, means, "we are about to spend $76.34, on a greeting card, two packs of gum, and a toilet plunger. Don't know what happened to the rest."
• Never attack a basketball size nest of hornets with half a can of Raid and a rake. The Raid will run out rapidly, and a flailing rake against a swarm of angry hornets is just stupid, no matter what you thought.
• And our best lesson...A bad day in the summer is still better than a good one working.

Check back soon, for our "Yeah, the school year has started", update.

Playing outside...

Well, summer has struck again. Today it was 130 degrees, give or take a few, and the sun peeled the paint off the house. Without sunglasses, a local guy went blind from what was described as nuclear flash, when he went to get the paper this morning. The clan went to the beach on Saturday and tried to beat the berating temperatures. We, of course had to take in Art in the Park, in Holland, prior to the beach. This event was an awesome reason to spend our savings on cool trinkets cooked up by some guy named Lou, who loves to hang out in his wood shop.

Bunch of Wooden Swords: $ 36.00
Pile of Clothes for Dolls: $ 24.00
Some Weird Look'in Lawn Thing: Don't ask

But, right after that, we headed out to the beach. 2 to 4 footers rolling in with the cool breeze, was just what we were after. We did not count on the waves being full of seaweed, bark, medical supplies, and old tennis shoes. Ah, nature in all its glory. It was good enough though, as the 72 degree water was better than our sweltering home. Plus, Dad got to change into his suit while in the car. Did I mention the parking lot was full, and the windows are not as black as he thought. Boy, the tourists from Iowa got a tale to tell. A few hours after arriving home, it did become apparent that Dad also forgot sunscreen on himself. Paying for it now. Glow in the dark paying for it.

Grandpa and Grandma R. came in last night to spend some quality time with us. They rolled up in their new sled (I have been told that sled is a cool and current term for car). We enjoyed their short time with us, and have hopefully convinced them to take us to the Bahama's next year. Hint: We prefer the royalty suites...just in case they are reading. The kids do love it when they are with us and we were able to take them to the exclusive, VIP only, Culver's restaurant for lunch before they traveled away. Oh yeah, didn't know Grandma knew how to play 4-square, and really had no idea she played with such an aggressive streak.

Today, we took in the dune rides, just for something different (See picture). Pretty sweet riding in a car with no top or windows. We all came away with inspiring and not quite right hair styles. The view from 300 feet toward Lake Michigan left us without words. It was a cool 2 minutes before the bickering fired up again. It was worth the trip and nice to know things like that exist only 10 minutes from home. All in all I would say we are pretty lucky.

Signing off to get some Aloe...back is burning again. Hopefully, the peeling process starts soon.

Green Meadow Flies Again

It took awhile, but we are catching air again!!! Do to a stellar line of credit, the family picked up yet another tramp. No offense to the original, but the new green round one is pretty much the coolest toy, we could find for summer (short of a sweet sailboat, but the stellar line of credit only goes so far).
Built by a serious construction crew, last Sunday, the first real test came this morning. All four gymnasts took the the sky, in an effort to test performance. Even in the summer rain, it threw them true and straight and all is well.
Consultants have requested that we bury this one, so no storm can defeat us. That may require planning, as the hole will have to be pretty deep, to accommodate Dad's triple back rolling spread flip. He tends to catch grass. This is probably do to physics we don't understand, cause it sure can't be his mass alone. We will update you on the progress of the hole.
Moving on for now...Mase just touched a cloud.

Things we missed...

Since we last met...It has come to my attention that some things got missed in the past few weeks and the public is clamoring for more, so as to not disappoint the fans, here is an update.

Emma: Miss Emmy spent a week at camp, not so long ago. Although she was tried by mosquitoes the size of a small moose, everything went quite well. While Mom, kept track of her store purchases, using on-line technology, we discovered her love of Powerade and caramel apple suckers. Not sure if she was using the suckers for currency, much like cigarettes in prison, but she sure bought a bunch. Anyway she made it out alive. If you talk to her ask about things like "the Blob", zip lines, and how to shower everyday, but never take your new soap out of the box. Note to Emma: when showering at camp at least get your soap wet, so Mom does not discover it in the box.


Matt: Let's see... Matt is soon attending soccer camp and swim lessons start this week. He was put in the "swims like a dolphin class", so I am sure he will find this very fun. He is almost the size of a small Amish barn now, and weighs more than two Allie's. He is spending the summer working on his wit and charm, so as to match his Dad. Matthew just returned from Grandma and Grandpa R's where he spent much time buried in a cold flowing river. The only goal being soaking Dad, while mocking him. Nice work, Matt.



Allie: Our dancer recently put on quite a show during the season ending dance recital. Our butterfly swooped across the stage and shook the curtains, causing a stir throughout the crowd. We are packing for Las Vegas, as we are sure her career will be taking her there soon. Allie is in the middle of her swim lessons and is considering some deep diving to go with her vastly improving free style stroke. We will update shortly on her Olympic status.




Mason: Our Mason continues to run to the beat of his own drum. He also will be attending swimming soon and soccer camp. We are hoping he escapes soccer with no cuts and bruises. Check that. We are hoping his opponents escape soccer with no cuts and bruises. Mase will be fine. He spent his weekend playing with his cousin Brayden, while up north. Many people notice similarities between the two, which may or may not bode well for Brayden. Mason always keeps us guessing, being a little fireball.




Brooklyn: Our pooch grows and grows and grows and smells...Comparable in size to a small Grizzly bear cub, Brook is working on her stench and is getting quite good at it. It enters the room before her. She spends most days staring out the back window, waiting for pal Jackson, to come play.




Leia: The cat has been gone almost all summer. Wishing her the best while hunting.

Michele: Hold the phone, Michele is changing class rooms. Due to a fellow teacher moving on, she is grabbing the room she has wanted for awhile. She is also very excited about her good buddy getting the open position. Not sure how that will play for our house, as their excitement grows and all we hear about is school, school, school. 6 weeks till school...will update accordingly.

Ben: Hmmmm.... well, he works. Then talks about school. Plays with Stinky the dog. Then talks about school. You get the idea. Sometimes he gets to help coach basketball, which makes up for all the rest. Then he talks about school some more.

We will continue to update as we see fit. Or if Brooklyn somehow smells better, that will be worth writing about.

The First Camp of the Season...

Summer has come to Green Meadow....And this certainly means a camping trip with Grandpa and Grandma R. The males from the house set out on Wednesday to assess the dangers of the wild and scope out where the bathrooms were. Our tent was set in the midst of tall thick pine trees, in a remote inlet, just off the coast of Lake Michigan. A truly remote spot, indeed. Nothing but fresh air and nature. Well, and the low flying jets overhead and the large fifth wheel camper parked next door, in case we needed air conditioning or a movie.
The largest beasts encountered happened to be pure Michigan Mosquitoes. This year's crop, grown big by the spring floods, carried daggers and appeared very hungry. Our inventory of Deep Woods Off 99% Deet Maximum Bug Killer Extreme rapidly declined.
The females arrived a day later, with our Brooklyn in tow. This was her first camping trip, and she did quite well (Puking in the tent and pooping at the playground are acceptable on one's first trip. The smells, however, were borderline unacceptable).
Our whole clan took to the water, as evidenced by the pictures. With water temps hovering around 60, the older family members took turns suffering in the deep, while the younger people hardly ever left the water. We realize this makes no sense, as body fat acts as an insulator, and Dad should have been pretty warm (what with his extreme neck fat), but sometimes logic makes no sense. Matt once again proved he is part fish, and did not leave the liquid for nearly two hours. We hope the feeling returns to the lower half of his body, sometime next week. Mase and Allie took time to sunbathe and work on their tan. Emma made sure to play with the lake bottom and experiment with how much mud she could bring up from the bottom in one hand full.
The beach trip was cut short, when Grandpa ran out of sticks to continue his building project, which looked something like a mix between a sand castle and a burial ground for mosquitoes (Yes, they followed us to the beach). We moved on to the campsite, where treats were eaten and large campfires burned bright. Grandma busted out one of her better campsite stories about a lizard, or no, a snake, err..maybe it was a monkey...well, anyway we loved it and the kids competed to find out who could carry the largest amount of marshmellow on their face, not in it (For the record, Mason can smash four and a half marshmellows and stick to his lips, nose, hands, and knee. Don't ask).
We set out for home the following day, swelled up with bug bites and smelling a bit rancid. We spent the afternoon buried within our air conditioned basement enjoying all that home's comforts have to offer. Within a few days, we will be ready to go again and Emma is really setting out Monday, for summer camp. We have contacted NASA about space age bug repellents for her and the suit of stitched together trash bags is coming along nicely. Hopefully, it will be ready.
Don't worry about Brooklyn, we will be waking her up sometime soon. The bedroom is starting to smell like camped out dog.

All about me by: Emma

I am a very good softball player and volleyball player. I am going into 5th grade and am 10 years old. I enjoy writing stories, scrapbooking, playing sports, and driving the quad, but I hate shopping. When I am in highschool or collage I want to be a waitress or work at a store. When I am out of school I want to be a interior decorator.
I have 1 sister and 2 step brothers.
Allie is always crying.(I think she would be a good actor)
Mason is always playing adventures and acting very tough.
Matt is so lazy, either playing video games or watching tv.
At the end of the day we all come together as 1 big happy family!